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- 07/16/12--13:24: _The 17 Most Bizarre...
- 07/16/12--15:07: _17 Items Rihanna Ab...
- 07/17/12--07:47: _"Sherlock Holmes" A...
- 07/17/12--12:07: _What's Going On Wit...
- 07/18/12--06:50: _Colbert Explains Wh...
- 07/18/12--12:45: _Why Photoshop Isn't...
- 07/19/12--08:14: _Meet The 82 Year Ol...
- 07/19/12--13:51: _TLC's "Here Comes H...
- 07/20/12--09:32: _Goodbye, "Dark Nigh...
- 07/20/12--15:12: _How To Wear Heels A...
- 07/23/12--07:54: _Fashion Editors Loo...
- 07/23/12--12:39: _21 New Rules For Ba...
- 07/24/12--07:47: _Sales Of Katie Holm...
- 07/24/12--15:23: _See Sarah Robles Mo...
- 07/25/12--11:06: _9 Fashion Don'ts Th...
- 07/26/12--13:30: _A Must-Watch For An...
- 07/27/12--07:38: _Shark Sex Sounds To...
- 07/27/12--13:47: _A Woman's Life, As ...
- 07/27/12--15:03: _The Olympics Bring ...
- 07/30/12--12:46: _Ryan Lochte's 18 Fa...
- 07/16/12--13:24: The 17 Most Bizarre Kate Middleton Photoshops
- 07/16/12--15:07: 17 Items Rihanna Absolutely Must Include In Her New Clothing Line
- 07/17/12--12:07: What's Going On With Lana Del Rey's Bottoms In This Picture?
- 07/18/12--06:50: Colbert Explains Why The "Having It All" Author Is A Good Mother
- 07/18/12--12:45: Why Photoshop Isn't As Big Of A Deal As Everyone Makes It Out To Be
- 07/19/12--08:14: Meet The 82 Year Old Lanvin Hired To Model In Its New Ads
- 07/19/12--13:51: TLC's "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" Looks More Troubling Than Expected
- 07/20/12--09:32: Goodbye, "Dark Night Rises" Red Carpet
- 07/23/12--07:54: Fashion Editors Look To The Future With... GIFs!
- 07/23/12--12:39: 21 New Rules For Bathing Suits
- 07/24/12--07:47: Sales Of Katie Holmes's Clothing Line Soar Following Divorce
- 07/24/12--15:23: See Sarah Robles Model Some New Dresses
- 07/25/12--11:06: 9 Fashion Don'ts That Are Now Dos
- 07/26/12--13:30: A Must-Watch For Anyone Who's Ever Been Annoyed By A Wedding
- 07/27/12--07:38: Shark Sex Sounds Totally Insane
- 07/27/12--13:47: A Woman's Life, As Told Through Scientific Studies
- 07/30/12--12:46: Ryan Lochte's 18 Fashion Rules
You know what we might be able to take away from these? A lot of people on the internet really want Kate to pose nude (or, perhaps, gain weight).
Rihanna just announced she's creating a clothing line ( finally! ) for U.K. chain River Island . If there's one thing she's good at, in terms of dressing, it's pulling off things that are fabulously odd. Here are some of my favorites that I really hope she includes in this line.
Peacocking is what Rihanna does best, after all.
Image by Joel Ryan / AP
These Jewelry-Print Overalls
Monochromatic Grandma Suits
Ideally with a contrasting lipstick taped to the tag.
Thanks to the astounding popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey 's witless eroticism, Total-E-Books will publish a series of classic novels with the addition of new sex scenes. The series of ebooks called Clandestine Classics includes tales of Sherlock and Watson's gay love affair; Jane Eyre's sexual submissiveness; and Mr. Darcy's naughty attempts to screw Elizabeth Bennett in the meadow. Here are some excerpts.
In "Sherlock Holmes," Watson and Holmes must solve a horrifying murder mystery. Watson is scared, but "the love he feels for Holmes, and the sexual experiences they share, help him to remain level-headed until the killer is caught."
"Northanger Abbey" delivers the tale of Catherine Morland and Henry Tilney's secret nighttime trysts — "[a] world where sex knows no boundaries and even her deepest, most secret fantasies, can be played out behind closed doors."
I had to look at this for a good long minute before I realized they just photoshopped some nude colored jeans in a visually nonsensical way. (This is Lana's new H&M ad campaign, by the way.)
If you just glance at this you might think LDR's wearing nude satin panties with her angora sweater. But upon closer inspection you'll see she's just actually wearing skintight nude-colored pants, possibly jeans (a style sure to flatter every figure when H&M starts selling them this fall). The visual semi-mindfuck seems to have been created by digitally smoothing out the fabric wrinkles in the pants, a retouching expert explained to me. So, impressionable media-consuming women: don't feel self-conscious if your jeans wrinkle when you stand. I know these ads can make it seem like you're lesser if that happens to you, but it will really be okay.
Anne-Marie Slaughter, who wrote The Atlantic 's widely-read cover story about how women “can't have it all” visited The Colbert Report the other night. At the end of the segment Colbert opens the magazine to a photo of Slaughter with her two sons, proclaiming: “Neither of them look like they want to be in the picture. That means you've raised two normal boys.”
In other "having it all" news, Random House has decided to turn Slaughter's cover story into a book! And the writer has decided to retire the phrase "having it all," since it seems antiquated and empty. She writes that a more apt title would have been Why Working Mothers Need Better Choices to Be Able to Stay in the Pool and Make It to the Top, which is admittedly less catchy. Though she could abbreviate to "Moms in Pool Have Shit Choices," which is the kind of double entendre that would probably make book buyers look twice.
What's worse than retouching is how many OTHER ways the world is telling women how important it is to be thin — and how much women let those messages influence them.
The campaign launched by two teenagers to get Teen Vogue to set limits on retouching and photograph a more diverse array of models for its pages was met by the world with a flurry of interest. It was met by Teen Vogue with a cold shoulder and instructions that the girls "do [their] homework."
While I wholeheartedly admire what these teens, Carina Cruz and Emma Stydahar, are trying to accomplish, I also understand Teen Vogue's reflexive self defense. They are being singled out in the press for a problem that is not all their fault. The super skinny and evidently pretty retouched models on their pages seem less like the cause of the problem of widespread body-image dissatisfaction among women than a symptom of it. Photoshop has become a scapegoat for — and distraction from — the thin-obsessed culture that's become part of daily life for millions of women across the country. Instead of fixating on photoshop, we could be having a whole other conversation about the Thin Issue and why women feel so consistently bad about themselves for superficial reasons.
The problem is not just the retouching that makes models look like they have no cellulite (or knee caps or armpit folds, for that matter), like normal humans. The more troubling problem is the burgeoning generation of Skinny Girl margarita- and diet wine-swilling women, who get up early to attend two or three exercise classes in the morning before squeezing into a pair of Spanx and going off to work where they're juice-fasting with coworkers and avoiding the cupcakes in the kitchen at all costs so that they don't feel guilty about the whole day! This is what we're becoming and it needs to stop. One, it's only fueling the idea that we want to be as thin as all these women whose retouching we protest. And two, it's fucking exhausting.
Rookie Mag editor Tavi Gevinson recently touched on this larger problem of Thin Culture when she questioned the impact of the ceaseless articles about dieting disguised as "health" tips. "The effects of headlines under the 'health' section about your back-to-school body are still there," she noted in an interview with Racked. "It took me a little bit once middle school started to realize that if I didn't read Seventeen, I didn't feel obligated to watch what I eat. Language is powerful, along with photos." Like, I can't possibly recall all the times I've read in women's magazines that I should only eat half a banana with my breakfast. What the hell am I supposed to do with the other half? Put it in the refrigerator so that when I return to it for my women's magazine-approved 50-calorie mid-afternoon snack it's cold and pasty and gross? It's not worth the effing 50 calories.
And what about all this diet booze? Why does Bethenny Frankel get a free pass to shill as much Skinnygirl this and that as she can manage to license? That whole brand sends the message that other food and beverage and lifestyle brands are, by default, Fatgirl brands. I went to a Mexican place for dinner recently that had a diet margarita on the cocktail menu. Really? It's come to this? Some things aren't meant to be "healthy," they're meant to be delicious — and margaritas are one of those things!
Then there are clothing companies like Victoria's Secret, which hosts a yearly fashion show that drew a staggering 10 million viewers in 2011. The main fascination with this program seems to be how the models look after dieting and exercising in the most intense way possible to land a spot in the show. The big story preceding last year's show was model Adriana's Lima's admission that she goes on a liquid diet nine days before she has to walk the runway, and works out twice a day for a few weeks leading up to it. And then she and her fellow similarly super-exercised models strut out wearing bras and thongs, along with as many bedazzled ornaments as a crane can safely lift onto their shoulders. And we celebrate the whole thing? It baffles me every time.
Also, while fashion magazines shoulder much of the blame for promoting a very thin one-note beauty ideal, let's not forget their diminishing influence. A lot more people are probably looking at fashion sites that don't feature models wearing $1200 dresses than are reading the Vogues of the world. You can see normal people wearing much more normal things on sites like XOJane.com, and even "look at me wearing clothes" blogs like Cupcakes and Cashmere. These corners of the Internet have huge audiences, offer something very different from print magazines, and are mounting influence that should not be understated.
Finally can we acknowledge what magazine editors won't? That EVERYTHING in fashion magazines — ads and editorials, unless otherwise stated — is retouched a LOT nowadays? Many models are so photoshopped they look more like Pixar cartoons than actual humans. Let's internalize this reality when we look at them. Let's keep in the back of our brains the gruesome fact that retouching has gotten so out of hand it's not hard to find images of models with entire limbs mistakenly photoshopped away. But none of us are going and cutting off our arms or legs because of it.
So we can blame all this media for their photo wizardry and denial of said photo wizardry, but at the end of the day messages about thinness are coming from everywhere. Let's talk about those, too.
And for the record, it's not a cleanse. It's a diet.
Jacqueline Murdock spent her life working as a dancer at the Apollo theater in New York. After getting photographed for senior style blog Advanced Style , she caught the eye of Lanvin designer Alber Elbaz, who hired her to model in his fall ad campaign.
Murdock started dancing at the Apollo theater in New York when she was 17 (her dance name is "Tajah"). She says she wanted to model "from a very young age," but, "The opportunity was not there at my time for women of color."
The people at Lanvin noticed Murdock after she went on the Today show to talk about Advanced Style with some of the blog's other sassy star subjects. Murdock tells Fashionista she went in for an interview with the label and received a call the next day that she had been cast for the campaign, which features "real people" aged 18 to 82.
In her interview with Fashionista, Murdock reveals herself to be one of the few women who rejoice when they don't fit into a size zero:
Well at first, they brought a short dress–strapless with a big great white bow. I looked at it and thought it would have been more appropriate for a younger woman–a 19 or 20-year-old girl. The two ladies that were helping me step into it said ‘This is too small. We can’t pull up the zipper.’ It must have been a size zero, and I was so happy. Then they brought the original dress, and it was just me. It had a neck. The green long sleeves, skirt below the knee, with a peplum in the front. It’s so unusual because I spoke to them when they interviewed me about a peplum, and I didn’t event know that a peplum was in this year!
Here is the clip of Murdock on the Today show, which affectionately dubs her and her Advanced Style compatriots "glam-mas":
On the other hand, it's pretty amazing this network managed to find what is being called a ” new low ” in reality television.
Honey Boo Boo, in case you're unfamiliar, is a beauty pageant queen who is around 5 or 6 years old, and has horrified television audiences through appearances with her mom on talk shows and Toddlers & Tiaras. Normally when people look really bad on reality TV — Real Housewives, for instance — I feel sort of sorry for them, because their willful self-exploitation always seems to take them to dark places they weren't expecting it to. In Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which is about HBB's home life with her family on a ranch or farm-type setting that appears to include huge pits of mud, it seems like they're trying to take their exploitation to that dark place — as quickly as possible.
If you're feeling nostalgic, as people tend to for everything these days, remember HBB's Toddlers & Tiaras days in this clip:
Following the harrowing shooting at a midnight showing of the film in a Colorado theater, Warner Bros. has canceled the Paris premiere that was supposed to take place tonight. A crew has moved in to tear down what would have been a flashy display.
Warner Bros. said in a statement, "Warner Bros. is deeply saddened to learn about this shocking incident. We extend our sincere sympathies to the families and loved ones of the victims at this tragic time."
A crew in Paris is working to tear down what would have been the backdrop for a fancy red carpet event.
Entertainment Weekly reports security will beef up at New York theaters screening the film. Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said in a statement: "As a precaution against copycats and to raise the comfort levels among movie patrons in the wake of the horrendous shooting in Colorado, the New York City Police Department is providing coverage at theaters where the The Dark Knight Rises is playing in the five boroughs."
The Motion Picture Association of America has responded with a statement as well: "We share the shock and sadness of everyone in the motion picture community at the news of this terrible event. We extend our prayers and deepest sympathies to the victims, their loved ones and all those affected by this tragedy."
It's not an easy look to pull off but! The Fashion Mailbag is here to help with your shorts-and-heels messaging.
I like the idea of wearing heels and shorts, but whenever I try to do it, I just look WRONG. Like, it always comes off too suggestively. What's the best way to pull off heels and shorts without looking like I'm trying to look like some gyrating scantily clad pop singer on a stage?
This is a fraught issue, I know — a reminder that outfits, like presidential campaign slogans, are all about messaging. You don't want to be too Forward., but you want a nice looking pair of gams that the populace can Believe In. Heels add a little bit of muscle tone which makes legs look extra nice if you're not wearing tights, and the right pair can add some all-important personality to your image. However, it's really easy to send the wrong message, and I think that might be because shorts, thanks to the fact that they contain a crotch, can afford to be shorter than many skirts. Ladies tend to not be so concerned about walking around in underwear-sized shorts but they feel slightly differently about walking around in underwear-sized skirts. So the some shorts + heels combos might not be much different from some bikini bottoms + heels combos. But I've devised a few tips to make this look more comfortable for wearing out of the house without looking like it was styled to to draw the attention of cat-calling sidewalk hecklers.
Tip 1: Wear loose-fitting shorts that don't rid up your ass.
You'll show slightly less leg and won't be giving away the precise curve of your rear end. This may seem novel in the age of Nasty Gal but just think: a little conservatism! Like Mitt Romney's tax records, you don't have to give everything away just because people want to see what you've got going on.
Step 2: Try flatforms.
If you do have a pair of shorts that rides up your ass (and let's face it, we all probably do in our weekend, not-safe-for-work drawer) you don't have to marry them to only flip flops and boring ballet flats. I enjoy a flatform if you want some height without the full-on discomfort of heels. I especially enjoy this pineapple onesie Rihanna smartly paired with flatforms. If she wanted to put her feet through the torture of stilettos she easily could since she's probably got four huge security guards that could pick her up and carry her around when she gets tired of walking with her at all times. But no, she chose flatforms.
Welcome to the Internet, guys!
Carine Roitfeld is a sassy Parisian with famously kohl-rimmed eyes and mussed hair who is regarded by many as the most stylish woman in the world. She was the editor-in-chief of French Vogue — up until she put out a ballsy issue guest-edited by acclaimed designer Tom Ford that included a fashion spread of 6-year-olds made up like adults. The backlash led to her scolding, which led to her offer to resign, which wasn't refused. So she took the natural next steps: stopped speaking to the woman who took her place, launched a makeup line with MAC, appeared in some Barneys ads, and announced the launch of her own magazine, which, like Oprah's O, is named CR Fashion Book, for her initials.
After months and months of waiting, Women's Wear Daily alerts the world that the first full image from the first full issue of that magazine is finally upon us — and it is a GIF (GIF!) of a model draped with a purple scarf billowing in the wind. You can even pre-order a digital copy — which just might come with more GIFs.
This is one small step for Carine Roitfeld, but one HUGE leap for the fashion community at large, which, in its struggles with how to use the internet and up until a few years ago, was run by people hot girl moving around in skimpy clothes. Well, you know what fashion like totally <3s? Hot girls in skimpy clothes. So why they haven't been GIF-ing the crap out of all their fashion shoots is sort of mind-boggling. See, look at these fashion GIFs — aren't they fun? Don't they make more sense for fashion magazines and brands obsessed to invest time and energy into creating, instead of lengthy, pointless, wordless montages of models wearing clothes and doing banal things like walking out of a hotel room wearing a skirt suit? A GIF requires no investment of time on the part of the consumer, or energy plugging in headphones into a machine to watch, so all signs suggest fashion should do a lot more of these.
The finale at Alexander McQueen's last runway show where, thank goodness, no one fell in those cinderblock-sized shoes.
Miranda Kerr swims possibly naked in a pool to promote her skincare line.
In Miami, swimwear designers are displaying their latest creations — the things the masses will have the ability to buy and wear the next time beach season rolls around. Prep for that occasion with these simple guidelines.
Accessorize your one-piece with a giant sea anemone replica.
If you're feeling self-conscious about your thighs this sort of ornamentation will certainly keep people from thinking about or looking at those.
Image by JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images
Disguise the shape of your breasts with an old dust ruffle.
Ooh! Now THIS is easy to DIY.
Image by JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images
Or, turn breasts into a cat toy.
Slash mop. Whatever.
Image by Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Keep a separate comb for your bathing suits.
To un-knot them after you stash them away for months in the winter.
Image by Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Nothing livens up a stagnant luxury label like one of the world's most famous divorcee's making a few trips to Whole Foods wearing clothes.
A lot of people probably didn't know Holmes & Yang even existed prior to Katie Holmes divorcing Tom Cruise. Just like a lot of people probably didn't know C "California style" magazine existed either, but they sure do now that she's on the cover of their September issue!
Anyway, endless speculation about Holmes's next steps seems to have been enough to propel her clothing line from just existing, possibly languishing, to thriving. Holmes makes the line, Holmes & Yang, with her stylist, Jeanne Yang, who is regarded as one of the best in the business (like a Rachel Zoe minus the perpetual fuss that surrounds her). Though incredibly expensive and not particularly memorable — like much of Holmes's wardrobe — sales are soaring at high-end stores like Bergdorf Goodman and Barneys.
Whether intentional or not (and I'm a conspiracy theorist so I sort of like to think it's the former) Holmes used the divorce press as well as anyone could have to promote her line. And she didn't even have to wear it next door to Whole Foods to do it. Just days after the news of her breakup broke, Holmes & Yang quietly announced her first-ever fashion show would happen in September. Pre-divorce no one would have cared much, but mid-divorce everyone cared and the news became a major headline. This gives the fashion and entertainment media something other than Marc Jacobs's collection to breathlessly speculate over as New York Fashion Week approaches. The Holmes & Yang show will likely be the biggest of the hundreds that walk in New York that week.
Also buoying Holmes's fashion persona, and hence her credibility as a designer, are her two impeccably timed magazine covers. First came Elle and now we have this C business. Holmes & Yang is poised to join Victoria Beckham's in that rarified sphere of fashion world respect few celebrities who choose to slap their names on clothing lines get to occupy. She could have gone the downmarket route like Jessica Simpson, but she took a more difficult one with much higher price tags.
Robles, the USA's best chance at an Olympic medal in weightlifting, wears gym clothes all the time, and has spoken frankly about how hard it is to find non-gym things that suit her. Designer Jill Alexander, swept in with some fancy dresses and things for Robles to wear. “She’s one of the top athletes in the world. She’s not unhealthy, she’s not lazy, but she has trouble finding clothes that fit well,” Alexander says. “She’s empowering women to speak out and say, ‘I deserve better from the fashion industry.’”
Teva-esque sandals, waist-tied sweatshirts, and more sartorial faux pas are apparently in vogue (and Vogue ). Are these trends the utmost perversion of the power of the world's top fashion designers or representative of the ingenious ways they make the ugly chic? You be the judge.
The Don't: Tevas
You would never see a Teva — the shoe of river tubers, hippie parents, and people who forgot to pack their water moccasins — on someone who fancies herself "fashionable." Probably the only person who could make these "cool" is Katie Holmes, because she really did a hell of a lot for those saggy, husband jeans, which are equally dorky. Without her to popularize the style, fashion designers had to go it alone with some leather versions.
The Do: Alexander Wang Sandals
These were $550, and are now on sale for $322. I wouldn't wear them tubing unless I were rich as hell but since they're Alexander Wang their dorkiness is excused in most any situation.
The Don't: Sweatshirt Tied Around the Waist
I take it this was cool when Anna Wintour did it in the '90s but can you imagine making such a deliberate choice about it now? "Oh I know what this oversized white sweatshirt needs — another beige one around the waist." Anyway, now thanks to one clever fashion designer, it is again a DO.
The Do: Philip Lim Sweatshirt Skirt With Tie Waist
Seems to be sold out at a bunch of places, but at least if you really want it this is damn easy to DIY with a tight skirt, an old gray sweater, and, like, a glue gun. Or just tie the thing you use to shield yourself from overly aggressive office air conditioners around your waist and call it a day.
“Objectively awful couple Ross Bird and Jessica Black want their upcoming wedding to be a true reflection of who they are as human beings,” The Onion reports . “Sources claim that a reading of Walt Whitman's poetry, a bunch of candles and f*cking mason jars, and an Instagram photo booth will truly capture the essence of the insufferable pair.”
You know how nice and romantic the first-ever image of the mating humpback whales looked? Shark sex is the downright opposite of that, apparently.
In her new book Demon Fish: Travels through the Hidden World of Sharks, Juliet Eilperin details just how gruesome sexual intercourse between sharks really gets. The London Review of Books explains:
‘Many scientists don’t like to talk about shark sex,’ Juliet Eilperin writes in her entertaining study of sharks and their world. ‘They worry it will only reinforce the popular perception that these creatures are brutish and unrelenting.’ In as far as we understand the subject – only a few species have been observed mating – the business is ‘very rough’. Larger male sharks have to bite or trap the females to keep them around during courtship; marine biologists can tell when a female has been mating because her skin will be raw or bleeding. The process is so violent that, come the mating season, female nurse sharks will stay in shallow water with their reproductive openings pressed firmly to the sea floor. Otherwise they risk falling prey to roaming bands of males who ‘will take turns inserting their claspers in her’ (the clasper is the shark version of a penis, found in a pair behind the pelvic fins). A litter of fifty pups will have anything from two to seven fathers. But the reproductive story gets rougher still. A number of shark species go in for oophagy, or uterine cannibalism. Sand tiger foetuses ‘eat each other in utero, acting out the harshest form of sibling rivalry imaginable’. Only two babies emerge, one from each of the mother shark’s uteruses: the survivors have eaten everything else. ‘A female sand tiger gives birth to a baby that’s already a metre long and an experienced killer,’ explains Demian Chapman, an expert on the subject.
And you thought your sex life was rough.
Every week brings a slew of research aiming to shed light on how women can live their healithiest, most fulfilling lives. String some recent studies together and you get a life that looks something like this.
AGE 6: Start seeing yourself as a sex object.
Sexiness is key to a woman's life, partly because its significance becomes apparent to us at the age of 6. In a recent study, girls ages 6 to 9 were shown pictures of two dolls, one dressed in revealing clothing and the other in a conservative outfit, and asked which one they most identified with. Sixty-eight percent of the 60 girls surveyed said they wanted to look like the sexy doll, wearing a belly-baring slightly Gothic Dancing With the Stars-esque look. And 72 percent of those surveyed said that doll was more popular than the other, which wore cargo jeans and a long-sleeved tee-shirt. To be fair, the possibility remains that they were just really turned off by the idea of the cargo jeans.
AGES 16 - 30: Consider keeping panty liners (or diapers) within reach at all times.
In a study of 1,002 women aged 16 to 30 who had never been pregnant, more than 12 percent experienced urinary incontinence. This suggests childless women experience urinary incontinence at the same rate as those who have given birth. I guess Snooki and JWOWW have proven as much to the world, thanks to their perplexing, continued presence on national television. Maybe all those times they peed on outdoor decks had something to do with a medical issue instead of them just being huge messes.
Are the Olympics the best or are they the best? (Answer: the best!)
Michelle Obama arrives at Buckingham Palace for a reception welcoming top people like hers to the U.K. for the Olympics.
Here she is — wearing clothes, it must be noted — with U.K. ambassador Louis Susman. Judging by the slight grimace on her face, she might be noticing how Kate's drab outfit doesn't stack up to her fab one.
Image by POOL / Reuters
Here's Kate, boozing it up with the president of Mongolia (left).
For some reason she seems to have raided the queen's wardrobe of powder blue coats and cinched it at the waist with a dyed-to-match seatbelt.
Image by POOL / Reuters
MObama and K-Mid come together at last!!!!!!!!
FLOTUS: Ohhhh you are dressed just like the queen. How oddly old of you.
Duchess: Just trying to look stiff enough so that I can get away with drinking and not looking like the nightclub floozy I used to be.
FLOTUS: Dammit! So you're not pregnant.
Image by POOL / Reuters
Michelle enjoys face time with the queen.
Queen: I always say, if I were in the Games I'd be a rhythmic gymnast...
Image by POOL / Reuters
He calls his personal style “rockstar swagger.” He dreams of becoming a clothing designer . His idol is Lil' Wayne. And he's shaping up to be the face (and abs and pecs) of the U.S. Olympic team. Let's see what we can learn about fashion from this spectacular male specimen.
Embrace corny USA tees.
Obviously these tees aren't optional for Olympic athletes representing the U.S., but Lochte takes the corny factor one step further with the faded sort of graphic you'd expect to see worn either:
1) Ironically with the arm holes cut to gaping proportions over neon sports bras with cut-off jorts and studded converses. Or,
2) On People of Wal-Mart.
Lochte, seen here preparing for a relay race alongside Michael Phelps, manages to make the shirt not look like a red, white, and blue popsicle wrapper, which is a feat when you're wearing what look like biker shorts (i.e. the suburban mom's de facto amusement park outfit).
Image by Michael Sohn / AP
Find unique ways to incorporate American flags into your look.
Lochte wore this semi-controversial diamond flag grill for his gold medal ceremony the other day. An official told him he wouldn't get his medal — the U.S.'s first gold in these Games — if he wore it, so he put it on after they gave him the medal, that sassy thing. Judging by some of Lochte's poolside fashion statements, depriving him completely of bedazzlement would be like trying to iron the wrinkles out of an elephant's skin. Some creatures just have a look, you know?
Image by FABRICE COFFRINI / Getty Images
And really, what about this gray jacket and black pants uniform sparkles even close to the way the diamond dentures do? Nothing about it, that's what.
Image by MARTIN BUREAU / Getty Images
Lochte appears to enjoy the men's styles by jewelry brand Niyala, according to Coolspotters. Our aquatic cherub here does not swim in these things, but wears different styles, sometimes stacked. It looks like the kind of thing any average Lochte wannabe/fan could pick up at their local mall kiosk BUT...
Image by Daniel Ochoa De Olza / AP